Identity feels very stable. You know who you are, where you come from and what you most value in life. Your identity provides you a sense of continuity, tying you to your personal and familial past as well as to the future you imagine for yourself. It helps you make choices that are consistent with your values and the norms of your social group; for this reason many of us signal our identity to others through markers such as clothing. In most cases, knowing your identity is a good thing.
But in different situations, the way people feel and think about themselves is actually fluid, dynamic, organic and complex. As a companion, I see men not as they’re defined (“parent,” “coworker,” etc.), but as the identities they hide from the rest of the world. And subtle psychological differences they display from one role to the next are meaningful. For example, interpersonal skills they transport from meeting a new hot chick like me, can be transported to the dating world to give men greater confidence. Camaraderie and community around needs men have that society judges, make men more tolerant in their other friendships and help them relate more meaningfully to others they themselves may not understand fully.
Indeed, identities fluid and stable give all of us the flexibility we need to adapt and modulate our behavior as we move between our public and private worlds, without losing our senses of self or feeling compromised and contained. My clients can learn, explore, and take risks in a place that feels safe, and then branch out more broadly into other areas of their lives. Being appreciated and not judged allows a feedback cycle that my clients can use to grow and mature a more complete, complex self-identity over time. I’m quite proud of that.